Am I a Conditional Forgiver?

I believe “forgiveness” is one of the trickier concepts we deal with as Christians.  Not because the Bible isn’t clear on the subject, but because we fight against it, modify it, procrastinate over it, and justify ignoring it.

We humans think we have all the answers as to how justice should be meted out – especially to those who have stepped on our toes, or wounded us deeply.  And oftentimes, forgiveness can be withheld because that feels like the “just” thing to do.

Let me begin, as we always must, by seeing what God’s Word has to say on this topic.  Here is just a small sampling of how vital it is for us to develop a spirit of forgiveness:

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph 4:32).

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt. 6:14-15).

“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Col. 3:13).

“Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times’” (Matt 18:21-22).

Those aren’t all that easy to swallow, are they?

Let me add a couple more secular, yet still helpful, thoughts on forgiveness.

• Forgiving someone isn’t saying they haven’t harmed you in some way.  The fact that there is something to forgive is evidence that you have been hurt.
• Resentment [or lack of forgiveness] is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

So, it appears we have some solid reasons, might I add commandments, to selflessly lavish forgiveness on those around us.

1. God’s Word commands it, and Jesus modeled it. (“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” [Luke 23:34].)
2. It releases resentment and bitterness in our own lives, allowing us to experience its freedom. (“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends” [Prov. 17:9]).
3. It shows others the very heart of Christ in a powerful and practical way.  (“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 5:16).

So just what is a conditional forgiver?

You may all have your own examples, but I want to share what God has recently laid on my heart regarding the oft-conditional nature of my forgiveness.

When someone in my life is truly repentant over some offense, and sincerely asks for my forgiveness, my heart is usually quick to forgive.  That kind of humble posture before God and before me cries out for complete forgiveness.  As I like to say, it takes all the “fight” out of me.

Then I can go on my merry Christian way, feeling good about how generous I’ve been by extending that forgiveness.  Another feather in my Christian hat.

Uh oh – here’s the warning –  “Pride comes before the fall.” (Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall [Prov. 16:18]).

Now we’re getting down to the brass tacks of this post, and the impetus behind today’s title.

Here are the times I don’t feel like forgiving someone, and often convince myself they don’t deserve it.

• If they’ve never asked for my forgiveness, regardless of whether they’re unaware of the offense or simply don’t feel like confessing it.
• If I don’t think their apology was “sincere enough.”  Oh my …
• If my hurt feels deeper than their apology.  Oh my, again …
• If I’m simply being disobedient to God.

None of these excuses is adequate.  If I want to truly show others the love of Christ, my forgiveness needs to match His.  I should not be attaching any caveats, or putting my own self-centeredness above God’s command to extend forgiveness.

The only sure-fire way of achieving that is to ask God to help us become UNconditional forgivers.  It’s always a matter of his work in our lives.

For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,

abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.

Psalm 86:5