Several months ago, our pastor preached a sermon on “Prayer and Fasting” as part of a series entitled “Deeper.”  As the title indicates, we looked at ways we could grow our faith through various Christian disciplines.

As part of that week’s message, we were all invited to take a small prayer journal to begin cataloging our prayer requests and answers to prayer. 

It didn’t take long for me to realize that my journal had become more than a record of prayer requests and answers. It was also an ongoing dialogue and reflection on what my prayer life looked like from day to day.

It became a running reflection of my state of mind, if you will, as I went before God in that time of communion with him.

That all sounds very spiritual, doesn’t it?  And I’m a huge advocate for keeping such a journal.  However, what I noticed recently was initially a bit disturbing, but it soon brought a smile to my heart. Let me explain.

As I looked back on what I had written over the past six weeks or so, I was a bit embarrassed by how “all over the map” my emotional state seemed to be. 

I wanted to believe that my quiet time with God would always result in a deep connection where my “Amen” would be followed by an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment.  That I would go about my day with a renewed fervor for God and his will for me.

That’s not too much to ask, is it?  Well, certainly not for God’s part in this! So let me be clear.  What I describe next is not a result of God failing to keep up his end of the bargain.  Oh no – this was all on me!  It was the result of my “humanness” and tendency to not engage consistently with the God of the Universe.

As I looked back at those journal entries – and even thought back over my prayer life through the years – I realized that inconsistency was the name of that game.

To be sure, I have had some incredibly powerful times of communing with God, where he clearly spoke to me, and I did experience that peace that passes all understanding. 

I have left refreshed, renewed, recommitted and re-energized after some powerful times with God.  There was immeasurable joy in my heart after those encounters with the living God.

But I also have come before God broken, angry, frustrated, unfocused, disengaged, apathetic and various other attitudes and emotional states that were anything but God-honoring.

That was the realization that was discouraging and a bit embarrassing to me.

But almost simultaneous came another perspective – one that could only have come from God’s throne room.

Regardless of my own emotional state – whether it be dramatic or just disengaged – it didn’t change how much God loves me, how much he longs for me to come to him in prayer, and how much he welcomes me back each and every time.

Simply put – God never changes.  He isn’t tossed to and fro by the trials or setbacks, distractions and disappointments of this life. 

As I heard just this weekend on the radio, “God is our rock in a hard place.”  Nothing sways him. Nothing surprises him.  And most importantly, nothing causes him to love us any less than he perfectly does.

We are the ones tossed about by the winds of our changing emotions and dispositions.

But it was a visual reminder, as I glanced through that prayer journal, that God is not put off by however I come before him in prayer.  He wants to meet us where we are. Psalm 62:8 encourages us to “pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”

Have you ever thought you shouldn’t go to God in prayer because of feelings of anger or apathy?

Please don’t let any of those “unholy” dispositions keep you from engaging with the God who created you, knows you better than you know yourself, and longs to talk with you regardless of the state of your heart.

I also know that just because I’ve had days when I felt less engaged with God, it doesn’t mean my times of deep connection are over.

They are waiting right around the corner.

I pray you will never hesitate to talk with God no matter how you’re feeling about yourself, your life or him.  He’s powerful enough to handle whatever weaknesses we bring before him.

Be encouraged, my friends!  He is with you and he is for you.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of lights,

with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

James 1:17