I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”  Or the biblical equivalent from Ecclesiastes 1:9b, “there is nothing new under the sun.”

That idea applies to this week’s post.  Two somewhat disparate concepts, that I have talked and written about often, came together to deliver a slightly different perspective.  But neither concept was new, as we’ve just declared.

Before we get into some explanations of the two concepts, let’s set the stage.  It’s a circumstance that, sadly, affects most of us, and often.  It’s a case where you’ve been hurt by what someone did or didn’t do.  You feel like you’ve been treated unfairly, or perhaps you’ve been misrepresented in some way.  Maybe there were some harsh words said to you, or about you. 

You get the idea.  Just can’t walk through this life without a decent dose of those situations.

So, how can we handle these biblically?

Let’s talk about “processing” first.  While I talk often about the necessity of grieving our losses, i.e. “processing” our grief, I believe the same admonition can be applied to these hurtful circumstances.

I don’t think it’s healthy to pretend you haven’t been hurt.  Call a spade a spade.  If possible, have a grace-filled conversation with whomever may have hurt you.  If that isn’t practical or advisable, consider writing a letter to those who have offended.  Let out those hurt feelings on your paper or computer – and then do not send it!

If you have a trusted friend who is a good listener, enlist their help to be a sounding board for you.  Maybe you’re looking for their insights; maybe you just need to talk through your feelings.

Best of all, talk to God about how you feel.  Yes, I know he is already aware of it, but he loves us and, as our kind Father, he wants us to run to him with our hurting hearts. And then ask him to give you the grace to let go of the anger or bitterness, and forgive.

I know this isn’t easy.  I’ve been working at getter better my whole life, it seems, and yet I still struggle to do this well. 

Which leads directly into the other half of this equation – obsessing.  Also a concept I’ve addressed a few times!  In fact, if you want to read an entire blog post on the topic, check out “Chewed Any Good Bones Lately?”

The cliff notes version is this – once we’ve decided to be the judge and jury over the person who has offended or hurt us, we’ve lost all the character traits we need to handle it biblically.  We’ve become self-centered and self-righteous, and put on a persona of martyrdom.

This is absolutely not how God wants us to handle our hurtful circumstances. More and more, I ask myself how Jesus would respond to the situations I’m struggling with.  With very few exceptions (such as his interactions with the Pharisees), Jesus responded with understanding and forgiveness and selflessness.

In the middle of the most egregious circumstances we can imagine – a brutal death on a cross despite living a perfect sinless life – Jesus declared, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Wow!  That’s the posture I want to strive for as I walk through this oft-difficult life. I want to reflect the person of Jesus, even in, and especially in, my most challenging times.

So, let’s think of these concepts of processing and obsessing as being divided by a line down the middle. 

Allow yourself the freedom to process the hurts and perhaps even the unfairness of your situation. This broken world is going to result in times of heartache.  Try some of the earlier suggestions first … and last!

As soon as you recognize the feelings that accompany obsessing, don’t cross that line! Stop in your tracks and turn immediately to God, asking him to redirect you and to give you his heart in the matter.

It’s a long learning process for sure, but so worth it as we find ourselves sitting on that judgment seat less and less frequently.  It’s an honorable goal for all of us.

If possible, so far as it depends on you,

live peaceably with all.

Romans 12:18