The couple in this picture are intentionally blurry because the focus is on the car and the scene behind them. In other words, the focus is the journey.

Recently during coffee with a friend, we were discussing whether “funner” was even a word. While I now know that it is, unfortunately, considered a correct comparative of fun, I will never feel like it’s proper grammar. Color me old-fashioned. My high school English teachers (and my mom) would be proud.

In the middle of this debate, a young man came and sat at a table near us. This friend of mine is actually more likely to engage in conversation with a stranger than I am. So she proceeded to ask him if he thought “funner” was a word.

His very safe answer was, “Depends.” In some circle yes; in other (read older) circles, probably not.

That led to a lovely conversation with this engaging young man who seemed perfectly comfortable sharing his life with us! We learned that he ran his own construction company, was 20 years old, was married, had been home schooled, and was a believer. We shared that we were both widows; however, we did not share our ages.

We also learned that his wife had been a dog groomer and that she longed for her own dog – a German Shorthaired Pointer.

We all minded our own business for a while until our new friend turned to us and said, “What marriage advice would you give to a young couple?”

First of all, kudos to this young man to even think about gleaning some wisdom from us. I’m not sure this younger generation looks at us of the Medicare generation and thinks we have many nuggets to share with them. It was refreshing and, honestly, caught us a little off guard!

My friend answered immediately by saying, “Get your wife the dog!” My first nugget was, “Be like my husband” to which my friend responded, “Don’t be like my ex-husband!” Clearly we needed to take this more seriously.

Knowing he was a Christian, I did talk about how important it was to keep God at the center of their relationship. “The closer you each are to God in your relationship, the closer you will be to each other.” It’s good advice and full of truth.

And then another thought entered my mind. One that was clearly a result of losing a husband I loved, and looking back over our 30+ years together with just a few regrets. Not major, mind you, because Dale was a pretty amazing guy. But we all know marriages aren’t perfect, and I certainly wasn’t the perfect wife. Thank goodness I had such a tolerant guy!

We all do and say things to our spouses, kids, family members, friends, coworkers etc. etc., that we wish we could undo.

So as I thought about how I might live my life with Dale differently, so as to avoid any of those regrets, this was the final piece of advice I gave him, “Treat your wife as if you knew she would be gone tomorrow.”

Granted, it hinges on the morbid side of things. And yet, if we in fact knew tomorrow was our last day with a loved one, wouldn’t that drastically change how we interacted with them? Wouldn’t every petty or semi-major disagreement start to fade in importance? Wouldn’t it put those actions and conversations in the proper perspective?

That’s a resounding “YES” from me. We can’t change our past and, in most cases, it’s not healthy to live long-term with our regrets. But wouldn’t this be an amazing framework for our relationships going forward? In the heat of the battle, could we truly stop and ask ourselves that question?

The Bible is absolutely clear on this topic. As it says in 2 Timothy 2:23-24,

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies;

you know that they breed quarrels.

And the Lord’s servant (someone who is submissive) must not be quarrelsome

but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil.

My prayer for myself and for all of us is that we can take a moment before engaging in hurtful words or actions and ask ourselves that question – “What if they were gone tomorrow?” That question should ultimately cause us to re-center our hearts to produce the kindness and patience that Timothy describes. That’s a journey well worth taking.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander

be put away from you, along with all malice.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,

as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31-32