“God isn’t so much working to transform our circumstances as he is working through hard circumstances to transform you and me.” Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies
Despite the fact that most of us would MUCH rather have God change our circumstances, that’s just not how he does his best work.
So, as we begin this Biblical Transformation Series, let’s keep that truth in mind. Sorry to disappoint you, but WE are the ones who will need to do most of the changing, primarily of our perspectives and our thought processes. Fortunately, God doesn’t ask us to do it on our own. Trust him to do the work in you.
Why not begin this series with a bang!? Let’s address loneliness!
It’s one of the most pervasive, most life-altering, most “unconquerable” conditions in the world. And not just in the widowhood world. (Although that was the TOP issue when I asked a very large Christian widow/er group what their most difficult challenge was.)
I wrote about this phenomenon a few years ago in my post entitled “The Lonely Crowd.” Feel free to scan through it for a refresher on the magnitude of this issue across generations and social statuses.
Greater minds than mine have attempted to find long-lasting solutions to this issue. Just so you’re not disappointed, I don’t have illusions of solving everyone’s loneliness. Or any issue, for that matter! Refer to last week’s blog post for a listing of my hopes and goals for all of us.
Applicable Scripture
Each week, I’ll share a few scripture texts that address the issue we’re looking at. The words, by themselves, may not do much for you, or perhaps they give you some slight comfort.
The REAL insights come once the truth of the words moves from your head to your heart. I’ll touch on this more as we go through the series, but the short answer to this is: Ask God to open your heart to the reality of his words, meant for YOU in this season of your life. Here are two texts with a similar message for us:
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8
“And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20
Whether it’s God reminding the people of Israel that he will be their constant guide and companion, or Jesus speaking to his disciples before he ascends back into heaven, this I know to be true. The message is ALSO intended for all of us down through the ages. So make this personal. God will never forsake Lynne. God will never leave Joe. God will always be with Mary or [insert YOUR name.]
If you want to find some additional texts that speak into this promise, here’s a nice listing of 100 such texts. Find the ones that resonate with you. And as a bonus, try reading through the entire list and ask God to speak his peace into your heart as you begin to learn how to take him at his word.
New Perspective
One of the reasons I’ve struggled so much with loneliness (other than the obvious, duh – because I’m alone most of the time!), is because I’m looking for it to get better. And yet many of us widows will tell you that our loneliness only gets worse as more time goes by. Been without them longer – hence lonelier.
I don’t know what’s behind your loneliness situation. Perhaps it truly is only for a season and you’re trying to walk through it the best you can. But for many of us, it may be a very long-term challenge. You can do your own analysis here. Is your loneliness just for a season? Do you see when that could change for you? Or do you look down that long road and see no relief in sight for you? Maybe you’re without your life partner. Or maybe even being with that life partner leaves you lonely. Certainly not just one scenario here.
Regardless of your particular situation, I’m trusting that one of the insights God has impressed upon my heart can help you. But word of warning – you may not like it!
I’m starting to grasp the idea that my loneliness may last for the rest of my life. Please don’t tune this out! I’m not trying to be disheartening here. I want to be realistic – and biblical.
You’ve likely heard about the Apostle Paul’s “thorn in his side.” Many scholars have tried to identify exactly what it was, but I believe there’s a reason God didn’t give us those details. If we knew exactly what Paul’s thorn was, we would always be comparing OUR thorn to his – for better or for worse. Here’s the full text from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10:
So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Let me ask you. What if our “thorn in the side” is our loneliness? That’s the question God asked of me recently. So rather than trying to figure out how to “fix” this problem or counter it with possibly ungodly alternatives, I’ve started to view it through that infamous new lens I’ve talked about.
Mind you, it doesn’t come naturally. I’d much rather have a failproof solution to this daily heartache. But in just the few weeks since God has placed this new perspective in my mind, there has been a certain “lifting” of the doom and gloom.
Sure, I’m still alone – and lonely – most of the time, but there’s more of a divine resignation to that circumstance. I’m not constantly bemoaning it and expecting it to be better tomorrow, and then being disappointed daily. In a way, it takes “lonely” out of the conversation because it’s a given. Might as well move onto another topic for the day!
Now I realize it’s not that easy, so I want to add a few practical, concrete steps you can take to help you through this. But whether your loneliness is for a season or for a lifetime, there is power in understanding that it’s GOD who has placed it in your life. And He is the one who can walk you through it and GROW you through it.
Practical Steps
I’ve done virtually all of these and can attest that they are effective at holding the lonely at bay, if even for a short time.
- Get a pet. Seriously! It’s not the same as human interaction but they can bring joy and laughter into your life.
- Find a friend who can relate to your loneliness. I’m not suggesting you all hold pity parties, but having someone who can relate to your struggles can be powerful. Encourage each other!
- Invite others. Whether it’s out to lunch or to a movie or over for coffee, fill your loneliness with the company of someone you enjoy.
- Phone a friend. Can’t get out and about? Call a friend you haven’t talked with in a while. It’s amazing what that can do for your emptiness.
- Nurture a hobby. Whether it’s reading or music or sports or decorating or crafts, filling your days or moments with activities you enjoy can stave off some of the lonely.
- Serve someone else. It might be volunteering at a charity or delivering a meal to someone or stopping at a care facility to chat, but focusing on someone else’s need is a sure cure for lonely, even if it’s just for a few hours.
- Spend time with God. Reading the Bible or a good devotional, or listening to a Christian podcast or sermon are all great. Even better? Just sit quietly and listen for God’s still small voice. Better yet – do it WHILE reading God’s Word!
I know there are many more ideas and solutions, so if you’ve found something that helps with YOUR loneliness, why not share it with all of us in the comments?
We’ve just scratched the surface of loneliness, but if a new perspective plus a few practical ideas can help you even a little, then I’m grateful! See you next week!
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7
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