Years ago, when I was working at The Principal Financial Group in Des Moines, someone had a copy of Jack Handey’s book, Deep Thoughts, a collection from his days on Saturday Night Live. There were so many hilarious quotes and quirks in this book, and I remember a co-worker and I having a nearly incurable case of the giggles over many of his musings.
And yet, they could also be a bit profound. Not rising to the level of real theology, but maybe they cause you to stop and think for a moment.
One of those I’ll never forget is this:
“Walk a mile in my shoes.
Then you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have my shoes.”
Decades later, I must admit this still brings a smile to my face and a chuckle to my heart. What about you? Did you laugh? Did you share it with anyone? Or did you mostly think I’d lost it?
Well, regardless of where you landed, this saying is an example of BAD shoe theology. Good for a bit of a laugh but not advice you’d want to generously dole out.
Flipping the script a bit, let’s look at something a tad more thought provoking – in a good way.
The source of this next quote, however, is almost as unlikely as the Deep Thoughts book. I follow a woman named Lori Conway on Facebook who lives in Kansas City and has a ton of followers as “Crazy Busy Mama.” Typically, she has great ideas for recipes, decorating and finding cute clothes and accessories. Oh, and by the way, she has four kids and a bunch of pets.
But about a year ago, she lost her 46-year-old husband very unexpectedly. So, generously intermixed with her “fun” posts are the incredibly heartbreaking and vulnerable posts about what her journey has been like since April 2024, especially as she tries to process her own grief and help her kids through their own gut-wrenching loss of their dad.
She does not mince words or try to sugarcoat the reality of her loss. She’s amazingly transparent about what she struggles with.
But she’s also a Christian and so much of what she shares, while heartbreaking to see or hear, is almost always followed up with how she sees God working in her and her children’s lives. Or, in the absence of that, she just trusts God even when she doesn’t sense his presence. It’s a beautiful testimony and I know God is using her story in a powerful way.
One of her more recent videos was taken in the car with her oldest son, Cale. He had shared something insightful with his mom – who had been really struggling with some hard decisions she had to make without her husband – and she felt it was Facebook worthy! I imagine she had a lot of “help” trying to navigate these difficult decisions.
“Don’t let anyone who hasn’t walked in your shoes,
tie them for you.”
I love the profound simplicity of this young man’s statement! I talk about this concept a lot but have never put it quite as succinctly as this.
To expound on it, (although it may not need it), this is a good reminder for all of us to be careful with our quick words of advice to someone going through a circumstance that we have never experienced. Even if you’ve been through something similar, there are no two journeys exactly alike, regardless of what the situation is.
Suffering people are so much better served when they hear statements like, “I can’t imagine how hard that is for you” or “You must feel overwhelmed right now.”
The bottom line is that none of us is an expert on how someone else should live life when they’re in the trenches. Yes, we can point them to Jesus, when that makes sense and doesn’t come across as a platitude. But mostly, give them a non-judgmental, listening ear. You will bless them more than you know.
Carry each other’s burdens,
and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2