A few nights ago, I had one of those dreaded sleepless nights.  You know the kind.  I was awake from about 1:15 am until 5:30 am.  My faithful wrist sleep monitor told me that I nodded off around 4:20 am, but I knew better than that.  Nice try.

I had no obvious reason why I was wide awake at the crazy hour.  I didn’t drink anything caffeinated before bed.  I didn’t have anything unusual that worried me that day (although it was my wedding anniversary). There was nothing looming over me for the day ahead.  I was just wide awake.  In addition to that, I felt an uneasiness in my spirit that I couldn’t explain.

So I did my usual routine to try to get sleepy again.  I read my book for a while.  Played a little Solitaire on my iPad (bad, I know.) Rinse and repeat a few times. Still awake.

At that point, I often think that God has me awake for a specific reason. So, I proceeded to pray through my mental prayer list of people and circumstances that God laid on my heart.  That should do it!  Nope, still wide awake.

Maybe I need a prayer time that consists strictly of all the reasons I’m grateful to God.  Ran through that list as well.  You guessed it.  Still not sleepy.  And that uncomfortable agitation remained.

Then it happened.  Perhaps it really was the result of the day being my wedding anniversary – a day that is typically the hardest of my year.  But I’d had a decent day.  Went on a field trip with my aqua class gals to a BBQ place and pumpkin patch.  Had a great time.

What happened next is that I started to cry.  It actually caught me by surprise, because I didn’t think I was that sad.

I cried deeply over the loss of this man that I loved profoundly, and the loneliness that accompanies that loss.  Then I cried over the loss of my beloved pets – three in the past two years.  My tears continued as I cried over lost and broken relationships in my life.

All that led me to cry over the heartaches in the lives of my friends.  Some who had lost their husbands or other loved ones.  Some who had their own relationship heartaches, or health challenges, or difficult seasons.

I grieved the collective sorrows of all that I saw in the world around me.  I was overwhelmed by the tears and cried deeply for at least 20 minutes, unable to stop (or want to).

And then the heaviness lifted, and I felt my sorrow dissipate like grime after a powerful downpour.  While I was stunned by the suddenness and depth of my grieving, I wasn’t surprised by this feeling of cleansing and relief.

I talk often about the power of tears.  I have biblical support for the necessity of shedding tears. And I have scientific support for their cleansing results. It’s one of the mainstays of my ministry.  Yes, cry!  Pour out your heart to God!  Know that he collects those tears in his bottle (Psalm 56.8).

As I laid in bed, feeling simultaneously exhausted and refreshed, I realized that God knew I needed a time of tears so that the built-up stresses of the past could be released, and I could find my peace in him, once again.  The uneasiness that I felt earlier in the night was also gone.  And I soon fell asleep until morning.

Bottom line – don’t forget to cry! 

Don’t let the busyness of your life, or the rarity of your time alone, or your desire to hold it all together keep you from allowing God to work through those tears. They are part of this magnificent creation called you! 

Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.

Psalm 62:8