This sounds like a Christmas-themed post, doesn’t it?  That would make sense considering the season in which we find ourselves.  Lots of list making, shopping, wrapping, hiding perhaps, opening, oohing and aahing.  You get the picture.  It’s a large part of this season.

But no, I won’t be quite that obvious this week!  The topic digs a little deeper than the traditional gifts, and asks us all to look within ourselves – and to others.  The lessons, however, are ones that I hope we can use often over these next few weeks, and well into the new year.

When I have a conversation with someone about what my life as a widow looks like, you can expect me to talk about the loneliness that accompanies this title.  It’s why you’ll often find the words “lonely widow” coupled together. 

Of course, this elicits some sadness or concern from the person I’m talking with.  So to keep them from feeling obligated to try and fix this, I often tell them, “It’s just part of the widow package.”  My package has a lot of stuff in it – some good, some heartbreaking.  I know that all of it comes with the title of “widow.”

I was talking with some friends about this recently and, to take the focus off my lot in life, I said, “Everyone has a package.”  It’s true.  There’s not one person out there who isn’t dealing with something that just goes with your particular challenge.

For example, if you’ve lost a child through miscarriage, or struggle to get pregnant, when others talk about their children, even perhaps complaining about them, it will tug on your heartstrings.  That effect is part of your package.

If you struggle with any type of mental illness or challenge, flippant conversations all around you may make you feel demeaned or unworthy.  Sadly, that may be part of your package. 

Perhaps you have an addiction of some kind that has plagued you for years.  Conversations that cut too close to that struggle in your life can bring back difficult memories, or maybe even stoke the fires that led to the addiction initially.  That’s your package.

See where I’m going with this?  We have conversations with people all the time that likely trigger a difficult memory, or cause our ire to rise up a bit, or even threaten us with unshed tears.  The contents of our packages aren’t obvious to the world around us.  Most of the time, the world sees the pretty wrapping on the outside.

There are a few lessons underneath this wrapping.

• Extend grace when someone hits too close to home, and you’re unintentionally hurt by it.  Remember, not only is the issue (my loneliness, for example) part of the package.  But, incurring the associated hurt from time to time is also part of that package.

• Recognize the reality that most/all of your friends and family have their own packages.  Some don’t even know they have one!  They’re likely aware of the trials in their lives, but may not see the associated hurts in their package.  Another opportunity to extend grace.

• Selectively share your package contents with others.  Maybe it’s because of my grief ministry, but I pretty freely tell people that loneliness is part of it.  Whether they want to know that or not!  It’s a form of education and I’m satisfied with a few people, here and there, understanding this reality.

I have a friend who struggled through an eating disorder years ago and during a recent meal we shared at a restaurant, I innocently mentioned the calorie content of some of the menu items.  Because we have a close friendship, she felt comfortable telling me that the calorie comment was still a trigger for her.  I was completely oblivious to this, and so appreciated her telling me.  Part of her package that she entrusted to me. Sharing this kind of vulnerability can deepen your friendship bonds.

Holidays can cause all of the package “junk” to become prevalent in our lives.  So my overall advice during this season and beyond (and appropriate all the time) is to be kind to others.  Let offense bounce off you as much as possible.  And if you think your friend needs to talk about her package contents, be the one who offers to listen with kindness, and without judgment.  We all need friends like that.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,

compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.

Colossians 3:12