Just a few weeks ago, I wrote about My Powerful Puppy Prayer.  Seems to be a theme going on here!  This post isn’t as lighthearted as my prayer that God would fix Miss Sassy Pants.  But, for those of you wanting an update, she turned that “obedience corner” and continues to be more manageable than she was for those maddening weeks.  She even gets good report cards at Day Camp!

No, this prayer is a little more serious and comes with some deeper lessons.

For the past several weeks, I have been inundated with so many memories of my life with Dale.  It’s not too strong a word to say it was a barrage.  It was nearly continual all day long.  Way too many to count and every memory was of something that touched my heart.  But they also caused deep longing and often accompanying tears.

I wondered how this could be!  It will be five years in October since Dale’s death, and I haven’t had this intense memory onslaught since about year two when I wrote about The Therapist’s Couch.

And yet, here I was, fighting tears multiple times a day. 

I share prayer requests on a regular basis with a good friend, and one morning last week, I decided “spur of the moment” to pass this request on.  Please ask God to lessen the intensity and the frequency of these memory ambushes because they’re emotionally overwhelming.

By midday, I realized that the heaviness in my heart had indeed lifted!  Oh sure, there are still moments of memories, but they are back to a manageable level, and they don’t feel so debilitating.  Yes, I was a bit surprised!

Now for the lessons.

The first lesson will speak more directly to those who have experienced a deep loss, even if it’s been a few years in the rearview mirror.  I’d encourage you all to listen in, because this may be another area of surprise.

I shared this story on the large Christian widow and widower Facebook group I’m a part of and the response was immediate and confirming. So many commented that they shared this same reality, and some had been widows for over 10 years.

Those of us living with this aren’t totally surprised that memories continue to be a large part of our existence.  But I would guess many of you reading this ARE surprised that nearly five years have passed and I’m still beset with seasons of deeper grief.

Truth be told – most widows won’t talk about this outside of our support groups or networks.  We know it can elicit pity or wonderment or even some judgment that we can’t seem to get past it.  It’s why most of us likely never ask the prayer that I asked of my friend.

So, lesson #1 is for our support system. Don’t be surprised at the length and depth of our grieving.  We aren’t going to wear it on our sleeve most of the time, but be aware that it’s usually lurking just below the surface.  Whenever possible, be the safe place we can turn to when we need a compassionate heart.

I wish had kept track of the number of times I’ve used the words “true confessions” on this blog site because God does often want me to bare my soul to this cyberworld!  Today is just another one of those days.

My true confession is that, despite how hard those tearful weeks were, I didn’t specifically ask God to bring me some relief.  I’m grateful I listened to his nudge to share this request with my friend, but I honestly didn’t expect such a clear and immediate answer.

So, lesson #2 is for us grievers.  Actually it might be a multi-layered lesson!  Don’t apologize that you are still grieving a deep loss, years afterwards.  It is the price we pay for loving deeply.  When you have extra hard days, seek out those who have shown you kindness on your journey, and have been a safe place for you.  Ask them to lift you up in prayer.  And then wait in hopeful expectation for God to answer it.

And, listen up, Lynne – pray your OWN prayer to God rather than just soldiering through your heartache.  As much as I talk and listen to God through this ministry, I shock myself at the times that I completely ignore this amazing relationship!  It’s a simple lesson.  Go to God first.

Thank you for listening to this multi-faceted story with a rough start and a hopeful ending.  I pray that my lessons can be yours.  I close with one of my favorite scripture texts.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 

who comforts us in all our affliction,

so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction,

with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4