If I was a scripture text, I wouldn’t want to win that contest! And honestly, misquoting and misunderstanding is often in the eye of the beholder. So, the title is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but I’m referring to a text that often crops up during grief discussions.
The verse I’m referencing is Romans 8:28:
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose.”
I’m sure it’s familiar to most of you.
I won’t attempt to unpack all the theological nuances that accompany that text because that’s really above my pay grade. But I do want to share the ways it can, as the title suggests, be misquoted or misunderstood.
When I speak to groups about how to be compassionate to a hurting friend, I caution them against using certain scripture texts to try to make that friend feel better through their heartache. That’s an area that is rife with potential pitfalls! If you tell someone, “All things work together for good…” after they’ve been dealt a devastating blow, chances are pretty high you could cause more harm than good. Especially to your friendship.
The misquoting I’m talking about here is more about the appropriateness and the proper timing of sharing it, not necessarily using it in an improper context.
So, why the issue with this verse when it is clearly part of the holy and inspired Word of God?
In my humble opinion, I think many times where this verse runs off the tracks for so many is related to the understanding and application of the word “good.”
How easy it is for us to think this verse is saying, “Your devastating loss is GOOD!” This is where I want to jump on a soap box or a roof top and scream, “No! This devastation is NOT good!” Death and disease and pain and suffering and tears and loss and brokenness and heartache are not good! They are the direct consequences of Adam and Eve’s sin way back in the Garden of Eden. The sin nature that every one of us must now acknowledge and address in our own lives.
From the Garden forward, this world did not reflect God’s original, perfect design. We now live in a fallen world where all that ugliness I just listed is rampant and an integral part of our lives.
So, I will never tell you that the sorrow that has just descended upon your life is “good.” It’s not. Let’s be honest about the reality of that ugliness. That is not what this verse is telling us.
What it IS telling us, is that God can bring eventually good FROM whatever is causing your heartache. It may take years before you see it. You may never see it. But I guarantee, God IS doing something good through it, whether it’s directly in your life, or in the lives of those around you.
It’s God’s one-two punch to Satan. God has the last word, not Satan.
I don’t know what heartache you’re living through right now. And I have no idea what good God may bring from it. I just know that God doesn’t waste our pain. When people ask me why God allows these horrific trials to befall us or our loved ones, this is my simple answer, “Because He wants a deeper relationship with you.”
I know everyone isn’t in the same place as I am with this whole journey. But I have consistently and clearly seen the good that God has brought into my life out of the heartache of losing Dale. It’s massive, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything – not even bringing Dale back into my life.
So, to those of you walking alongside a grieving friend, I encourage you to refrain from using this verse as a simple “cure-all” for whatever ails them. Instead, help them process their grief by listening without judgment.
And to those of you deep into your heartache, know that God wouldn’t call your devastation “good.” But He is the only one that can bring anything good from it. Look for it with hopeful expectation. And then know that God is also the only one who makes it all right in the end. Jesus’ death on the cross paid the price for our sin and offers an eternity free from ALL that ugliness, for any who would make Jesus their Lord and Savior.
I end with a text I would now consider my life verse because it’s honest about the heartache in this world, but doesn’t leave us with nothing. God never would.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33