Really, Lynne?  Yep, this is the topic I’m dealing with today, with a bit of fear and trembling!

But seriously, this is something that’s been on my heart for months.  It’s a topic ripe for these times, isn’t it?  Most recently, we can find ourselves taking sides over the pandemic and all its associated issues.  We’ve seen destruction on both sides of the race relations dispute, causing strong opinions in both directions. And now you add the crazy political season we’re in and you have a pot just begging to boil over.  And that’s AFTER these are all added to whatever controversial issues you found yourself embroiled in before 2020 began!

Goodness, it’s enough to make us all want to pull the covers up and wait for the sun to come out again.

Greater minds than mine have certainly dealt with this challenge so I don’t claim to have the panacea for everything. But I do have some thoughts and encouragement for you that I hope can bring a touch of peace to your relationships.

First, let me say that by the very nature of taking a position on an issue, you inherently tell those on the other side that you don’t think they have the correct stance. It doesn’t mean either party is uncompromising or unwilling to extend grace, but the message is still hidden under our “civility.” So, let’s keep that premise in mind.

The second statement I want to make is that MOST of the time, we are NOT going to change the mind of the other party.  Sure, there are exceptions to that rule, but remember, I’m talking about pretty polarizing themes here. Not whether chicken or beef tacos are better. We tend to have strong opinions on the polarizing issues of our day.

One possible exception – if two individuals love the whole process of debating and can do so with no hard feelings, then have at it.  Just make sure you’re both comfortable with that.

So with those two premises and one exception in mind, let’s see how we can fulfill this blog title promise.

I have one fairly simple suggestion. When you’re having a conversation with someone you KNOW holds a different opinion on this issue OR you’re talking with someone whose opinion you DON’T KNOW, please do not confidently and decisively tell them exactly what your position is on the polarizing issue at hand.

What exactly can be gained by that?  If you know they disagree with you, it can only worsen the relationship you have with them. Same is true if you charge into it with someone whose position you don’t know.  Maybe you find an ally with whom you can commiserate, but maybe you’ve just added awkwardness or strife to that relationship.

So, how can you find like-minded individuals without stepping on any proverbial toes?  Perhaps you gently ask them what they think about “X.” But be prepared for them to tell you confidently and decisively what they think!

If you’re in agreement, you may have found that ally you’re seeking.  But if they hold that dreaded other opinion, gently suggest that you’re not necessarily on the same page and move on to a less controversial issue…if you can find one nowadays!

Let’s talk for a minute about the conversations you have with your allies. I’ll be the first to admit that I need a place to commiserate with like-minded friends from time to time. And, in moderation, that’s probably OK. But be cautious of spending too much time lambasting those, named or unnamed,  who hold a different opinion from yours. It’s a pretty slippery slope. One that I have to catch myself from getting too close to.

So this isn’t rocket science – because I’m sure you’ve come to expect none of THAT from me! I believe it can be as simple as treating others with love and kindness. And looking for areas of unity rather than stoking the fires of controversy.

I know this isn’t always easy when our worlds are pommeled with reminders of every possible issue that could cause division. Sometimes it’s best to take a break from the “talking heads.”

In summary, I have no better advice than what the Bible teaches us in Philippians 2:3-4. It’s my prayer for myself and for all of you.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit,

but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4