Recently a good friend sent me a picture she came upon from 25 years ago. If was from her daughter and son-in-law’s 25th wedding anniversary and the picture was of Dale and me and this friend on that special day so many years ago. I was 38, Dale was 58 and we had been married about 8 years. We were enjoying some of the happiest times of our lives together.
So I half-jokingly told people that THIS was the guy I wanted to date now! Think of all the benefits. I would now be 5 years OLDER than Dale. I would know that he lived to be 80 so we would have another 22 years together. And I would be 85 when he died so I wouldn’t have to live potentially decades without him before being united in heaven.
The icing on the cake is that I would also have the benefit of 20-20 hindsight after his death. I could now FIX all the things I wish I had said or done differently throughout our 31-year marriage. What a beautiful scenario that is, right?
I admit this fantasy exercise was a tad bittersweet. While I absolutely understand the “fantasy” part of this, there certainly was a part of me that LONGED for the opportunity to live it out.
But some time passed and I didn’t think about it much anymore. Had my fantasy fun and now it was time to get back to reality.
Then, out of the blue, like God so often enters my thoughts, I found him essentially asking me this question: “If you had the opportunity to choose that beautiful, perfect fantasy life with the man you’ve loved forever, with all your widow heartache immediately erased from your life, and decades of joy ahead of you…would you? Or, would you choose the life that I have given you today? The life of a grieving widow.”
Wow! How, and why, does God hit me with these kinds of questions? And, more importantly, how should I answer it?
On the surface, that answer seems pretty obvious, doesn’t it? Who wouldn’t want that fantasy life? And what widow doesn’t long to have her husband back in the context of every bad act being remedied?
In my humanness, in my emotions, in my romanticism, in my desire to live only in happiness, I would pick Door #1 in a heartbeat.
BUT…that ISN’T the life God has chosen for me. Oh sure, he did give me some blessed decades with Dale. But they’re forever gone and I’m now left with this life of widowhood. It’s no fun. It’s often empty. It’s lonely. It’s full of heartache and tears even 3 years later.
Even if that’s all it consisted of, I would, quite reluctantly, realize that Door #2 must be my choice. Why? For the simple reason that it was GOD’S choice for me.
But he hasn’t left me with just the heartache. He has added more blessings than I can even begin to list here. Over and above all the blessings is the deeper relationship I now enjoy with him because of this journey he’s placed me on. This ministry is just one example.
There are moments where I am blown away by the ways I see God moving in my life. Ways that would never have existed in that fantasy life. God has saved them for this life he’s chosen for me. And I couldn’t be more grateful.
Yes, I still grieve and yes, there’s still a part of me that wants to be reunited with that 58-year-old Dale today. But I have learned that the life God has given me is EXACTLY the life I should be living right now.
I’ve heard it said that if we humans had full access to the knowledge that God has, we would always choose the life we have, even with all its bumps and detours on the journey.
What about you? Do you have a fantasy life you wish you were living? Or maybe just a couple dozen things you would change about your current life? Maybe a more understanding spouse or parent or child or boss? Maybe a little nicer house or fatter bank account? Maybe a different career or calling? Maybe a few less wrinkles or pounds? The list goes on and on!
Or will you be grateful for the life God has given you, and look for the ways he wants to grow your faith and cause you to trust him more and more through it?
It’s not always easy to pass up Door #1 and walk through the door we know has heartache behind it. But, in the end, it’s the only choice with eternal benefits. May you choose wisely.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11