In recent weeks, I’ve written about lessons from birds and lessons from my dog, Winnie. While I acknowledge that God can open up insights through his creation, I thought it might be time to utilize one of the very best resources God has given us – the Bible.

I’m also returning more specifically to the original intent of this website and blog, how to “be a blessing to your grieving friend.” 

Over the past month or so, BOTH of the devotionals I’m reading on my Bible app have covered insights from the book of Job. Coincidence? I think not! And the more I pondered this, the more I realized there is a wealth of knowledge in this relatively short, but complex, and often misunderstood book.

Most of us grew up with the phrase, “the patience of Job.” If you have actually read through his story in the Bible, you know “patience” doesn’t begin to describe what Job had to endure.

I’ll try to do justice to the short cliff-notes, bullet point version of the story.

• Job is living a “blameless and upright” life in the land of Uz, with a large family and many possessions.
• God and Satan have a heavenly “conversation” where Satan tells God that Job only follows Him because God has blessed him.
• God allows Satan to heap troubles on Job, but God would spare his life.
• Consequently Job loses his health, all of his children and all of his possessions. Only his wife remains – and some friends.
• Three of Job’s friends come to comfort him and offer lots of explanations for why Job is suffering – mostly centered around what Job must have done to deserve this.
• Job continues to profess his innocence and begins to question God’s justice.
• Job eventually has an audience with God who asks him, “Just where were YOU when I created the universe?” Essentially telling Job that he will never have the perspective that He, the Creator of the Universe, has.
• Job humbly repents and God blesses him with restored health, new family and even greater possessions. Mind you, not as a reward, but because God chooses to bless Job again.

Oh goodness, there are SO many lessons in this book. And so many blog posts that could be written as a result. But today, I just want to focus on what Job’s friends did right and what they did wrong. These are lessons that can be directly and immediately applied to any situation you find yourself in with a friend who is hurting.

I can’t imagine any of us have either suffered to the extent that Job did, or know anyone who did. So, that eliminates the right to say one of my least favorite phrases, “Well, at least…”

“Well, at least Job still had…” virtually nothing except his wife and his faith in God.

Here’s what the friends did right.

• They showed up! Wouldn’t it have been tempting to stay away from the disaster that was Job’s life? Maybe send a note in the mail and let him know you’re praying for him. Good for them that they traveled a distance to come and seek to comfort their friend in person.
• They are truly sorrowful for all that Job is suffering through. They recognize and acknowledge the depth of his grief and the extent of his losses.
• Initially, they sit silently with Job, letting their presence by his side speak volumes.

Good job, friends, in these areas.

Now, let’s see where they went wrong.

• They began to speculate about what sin Job MUST have committed for God to treat him so horribly.
• Despite Job’s continued assertions that he was innocent, they didn’t let it go. They continued to argue their position, regardless of the anguish it was clearly causing Job.
• They just wanted to fix this. They put their desire to argue theology with Job above simply sitting silently with him, as they did initially.

There are some pretty simple, clear lessons here, aren’t there?

When you have a friend suffering through anything, do the right things Job’s friends did.

1. Show up – in person if possible, but don’t disappear from their life.
2. Acknowledge the depth of your friend’s loss and grief.
3. Let your presence speak of your love and sadness for your friend.

And here’s how you fix the wrongs that Job’s friends committed.  

1. Don’t place blame on your friend for whatever tragedy they’re suffering through (even if you think they contributed to it!). 
2. Be tuned into your friend’s state of mind and put their hurting heart ahead of your desire to make a point.
3. Don’t try to fix their pain. It’s likely not fixable.

Did you notice what question wasn’t answered in this story? It’s one we all think deserves an answer that suits us. “Why do ‘good’ people suffer?”

But alas, I’m out of room this week. I’ll delve into that next week so stay tuned!

And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return.The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Job 1:21