I definitely have a “dog theme” going lately, don’t I? It’s not intentional but I think it speaks volumes about what (or whom) I spend much of my day with since I went on break from the ministry!
Today will be a bit uncomfortable for me because this post requires some transparency in areas I’d rather keep hidden. But, hey, where’s the fun in that!?
I’m talking about the times when something has happened in my life that leaves me feeling frustrated, hurt, indignant, villified, ignored, mistreated, unappreciated, misunderstood and a slew of other emotions that aren’t healthy. Someone in my life is the offender and I’m the innocent victim.
For any of us who have been dealt a devastating loss, I guarantee people are going to offend us. Nearly always it’s out of ignorance and/or good intentions. But we can be terribly hurt nonetheless. So I hope this is a lesson many of us can apply.
I am guilty of taking that situation and chewing and chewing and chewing on it (like a dog with the proverbial bone) until I’ve worked myself into such a tizzy that I can barely see or think straight.
Can you relate? It’s extra common at night when I’m trying to fall asleep. I play the situation over in my mind ad nauseum until there’s nothing left except some truly ugly feelings about whomever might have caused me to go down that dangerous road.
Often, I’ve had some harsh words with the offender, in my head, and I always come out feeling both vindicated and … miserable.
Even if I don’t catch myself right away, before long I recognize that gut feeling that says I’ve just made a painful mountain out of a minor molehill. And thus begins my long road back to civility and usually a conversation with God, asking his forgiveness for my less-than-Christian attitude.
As with most sinful behavior, I don’t learn how to deal with it after one round. Oh no, I’ve been honing this skill for decades!
Recently I did a little self-analysis of not just why this happens, but more importantly, what kind of mindset I could cultivate that might help minimize these trips into my self-righteous courtroom.
God gave me a simple solution. Not easy, mind you, but simple to understand. It works EVEN IF I’ve actually been wronged by someone.
Rather than working so hard to justify my wounded feelings, God calls me to have a humble, servant heart. It’s recognizing that my self-centeredness is, ironically, at the center of the problem. I’ve made it all about how I’VE been affected. It’s letting go of the need to create my own vindication (and in the process, elevating myself above all), and humbly letting go of the bone.
It means not necessarily even trying to understand why someone may have hurt me. Because what happens when I can’t come up with a good enough reason? I’m right back on that nasty judgment seat.
The simplicity comes in the letting go. Not analyzing. Not justifying. Not wallowing in the self-righteousness or self pity. Just stop chewing.
As with every sinful attitude we struggle with, the very best solution is to ask God to cultivate in us what we can’t develop on our own – a heart of selflessness and forgiveness and repentance. We can’t get there by our own efforts. Let God do this hard work for you and be amazed at the freedom it brings.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit,
but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Philippians 2:3
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