It’s natural to assign labels to people. And it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it helps us put a proper perspective around who they are, and even how we interact with them.
She’s a doctor. She’s a mom of six. He’s a professor. He’s a welder. She’s a musician. He’s a swimmer. They’re teachers. They’re nurses. They’re pastors. He’s a widower. She’s a widow. Lots of labels!
I met a new teacher this week at the school where I do a little “tutoring” (aka hanging out). We were in the same room together and somehow two teachers and I got into a discussion, along with a sixth-grade boy, of how often we don’t say exactly what we mean.
For example, “How are you?” Almost always, the answer will be some version of, “I’m good!” I mentioned that, as I widow, I never answered that way in the early days of my widowhood.
That’s when this new teacher told me that she, too, had lost her husband, about eight years ago. It left her with elementary-aged children to raise by herself.
I found myself immediately giving her the widow label. As I said before, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It helped give us a shared bond.
But then she went on to tell me that, despite the heartache of her circumstances, the loss of her husband and her children’s dad had clearly developed in all of them characteristics they would not have without his death. They now had deeper levels of compassion and fortitude, and a wider perspective that gave them a completely unique outlook on life.
Her kids have even wondered what they would be like if their dad hadn’t died. They clearly recognized how his death had resulted in changing them, ultimately for the better.
After hearing her describe this transformation, it reminded me, once again, of what God so capably can do in our lives. He refines us through the fires.
But what if she hadn’t shared that transformation with us? Pretty sure I would have just kept the widow label on her. It was her transparency and willingness to share her journey that caused me to move from defining her as a widow to seeing God’s refining process in her life.
That’s a lesson in and of itself for us all. Regardless of what trial we’re going through, after acknowledging its difficulty, are we able to share how God has changed us in powerful ways because of that trial? That’s a witness that gives him the glory he deserves. It’s the way God gets the last word over the sin that ultimately brought your trial.
So the question of whether we are defined or refined by the trials we endure is left largely up to us, and our willingness to let God do that work in us. Remaining in the difficulty of our circumstances for extended periods of time will limit what God wants to do in us. And eventually limit our witness.
I would remiss if I didn’t include in this discussion about labels and definitions what is the most essential characterization of all.
If you’ve given your life to Jesus and made him Lord of your life, then you are forever a child of God.
That’s the definition that means the most to me, and I pray it’s your favorite as well.
But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God.
John 1:12
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