A few weeks ago, I announced that God had called me to take a step back from my ministry for a much-needed rest. Here’s the scoop if you missed it earlier. Initially I resisted the idea, but soon saw the wisdom in taking the break.
So, I thought it might be interesting to share what that “break” looks like four weeks into it. You’ll recall the picture of the large pink flamingo floatie in the middle of the ocean. In my little fantasy world, that’s what I hoped life would look like, with the possible addition of a fruity umbrella drink in my hand!
But is that what God had in mind for me? And does my reality resemble that pink floatie at all? That would be a hard “no” on both accounts!
So let’s swim back to shore, climb off the floatie, and talk truth about these last four weeks. And in that process, I’m hopeful there are some life nuggets to share with you all.
First of all, let me tell you my random thoughts, hopes and fears going into this break:
- God would do something during this season, but I had little idea what that would be.
- I anticipated any lessons learned would be applicable to my ministry somehow.
- I was concerned about what I would do with my free time.
- I started a mental list of activities I might use to fill those empty slots.
- I looked forward to less stress over schedules and technology issues.
- I stressed a bit over just how long this break would be. Or how brief!
In short, I had NO idea how to do this! I’ve had a job since I was 14 years old and I took care of 4 elderly people over a 20-year period, ending with Dale’s death almost four years ago. Soon after, God led me to this ministry which I’ve jumped into with both feet. So having few “earthly” responsibilities was a world I knew nothing about.
God did keep me busy the first few weeks. I helped coordinate a large event for our church and surrounding neighborhood that filled much of my days. Soon after, a friend invited me to California for an unexpected week at the beach. Well, not a lot of beach-sitting, but who wouldn’t want to go canoeing with the sea otters?
But I’m back home. Now what? Word of warning – this isn’t going to be what you or I hoped at this point of the break! Here’s an up-to-the-minute view of this “rest.”
- I feel Satan’s attacks on a regular basis as I struggle with how to spend my free time. No question he wants to mess with my mind through this time of rest.
- I often sit quietly and listen for God’s voice and direction, but nothing is clear yet.
- Other times, I fear I’m trying to “put words in God’s mouth” as I long for that clear direction.
- I struggle with losing what I thought my purpose was during this season, even if it’s just a temporary loss. I still feel it profoundly.
- I’m lonelier (as if that was possible…) because I now have even less contact with people because of this break.
- I feel frustrated or guilty or both because I’m not enjoying this time off.
- I’m trying, not very successfully, to present a happy, relaxing front to the world at large.
Not a pretty picture, is it? Where, O where is that pink flamingo floatie now??? So the overarching question I ask myself is, “What does GOD want this season to look like?”
I HAVE learned a few lessons despite that pitiful list. And they all revolve around the fact that God is in charge of what this looks like. Maybe there are some you can take into your own season of rest OR unrest.
- God is the only one who gets to decide what fruit this season will produce.
- I couldn’t put my trust in a more trustworthy Guide.
- His timing will be perfect – for the lessons and the stepping back into ministry.
- I don’t question his goodness or his sovereignty over this.
- I’m learning to hold loosely my desire to get immediate and clear marching orders from God.
- I’m also asking God to help me listen well for when he does speak.
- This break may or may not be actual rest. It’s a stepping back from what I was doing, but not necessarily a full-on stop. God may have other areas of service He wants me to step into.
For a Type A, “to-do list” kind of gal, this is HARD! It doesn’t feel like rest. It doesn’t look like the sleeping Frenchie. But I also trust that God will develop in me an ability to leave it all in his perfectly capable hands.
I will keep you posted on the journey, and would so appreciate your prayers as I long to listen and obey well in the weeks or months ahead. Thank you, my friends!
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him.
Psalm 37:7
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