Today’s post will be another “post-er” child for one of the main tenets of this ministry – joy and sorrow co-exist in this fallen world. You’ve likely heard that from me more times than you can count, so I apologize for being so redundant!
But it is the heart of today’s message, and has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks.
I want to look at the love we typically find in a relationship between a husband and wife – and how many ways we can grieve the loss of that love. But this post is not aimed strictly at those of you who are married.
For myself and other widows or widowers who had a mostly healthy, love-filled relationship and genuinely miss their spouses, it’s a pain that runs deep, wide and long. It’s a special bond that biblically represents Christ’s relationship with the church. No wonder it can be a forever loss when the relationship was blessed with that kind of love. A love that has now been ripped from those lives.
What about those who are married, but have a loveless relationship? Or maybe it’s marked by abuse or infidelity or endless conflict. Wouldn’t we all agree that there is clearly a reason to grieve the loss of what they hoped this marriage would bring them?
Even those who are now widowed, but had that loveless/abusive relationship have a unique form of grief because there is now no opportunity to ever see any healing in their marriage. Love lost in multiple ways.
Perhaps your marriage ended through divorce. There’s another whole list of emotions and losses to grieve in these circumstances. If children are involved, they may continually face the person who hurt them the deepest.
Add to this group the single person, by choice or by circumstance, who never experienced the euphoric love shared with a spouse. While some are unabashedly content with their marital status, others may live with regrets over “the one who got away.”
I’ve just hit the main categories here and I know there are various combinations and permutations that we could include in our discussion. But this is enough for today.
In most of these situations, it likely feels like the love they experienced, or wished they had experienced, will never be a part of their lives. It can be an incredibly discouraging place to live.
Several years ago, I found myself despairing over the fact that I would never again experience the kind of love I had with Dale – not even in heaven. That’s what really deepened the heartache.
The Bible says in Matthew 20:30, “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels in heaven.” That wasn’t encouraging to me! To a great degree it felt like a “lesser” love than what I’d had through my 30+ year marriage, and gave me nothing to look forward to.
Then, as he so often does, God got out his divine 2×4 and hit me with a truth that completely changed my perspective.
And it’s a truth that can be applied to every single situation I’ve highlighted here, and all those I didn’t. It works for anyone who is consciously or subconsciously grieving the fact that this life will never (again) result in a deep, satisfying, romantic love.
Two words – AGAPE LOVE.
Let me close with the words from that 2018 post where God got my attention. These words are for any and all of you thinking the best is all behind you, or never to be.
God clearly spoke to me and said, “The love you will have with Dale in heaven will be so much more than anything you ever experienced here on earth with him, and more than you could possibly imagine with your limited knowledge in this life.”
My lightning bolt hit. Of course, God would never have our experiences in heaven be anything less than perfection! It is his pure agape love that will be present in every relationship we will have, especially our relationship with HIM! Agape love is what we see in 1 Corinthians 13, often known as the love chapter. It is everything we would ever want love to be, and that’s what God has in store for us.
Any of us who attended church or Sunday School as children learned this simple truth – God is love. He is so much more than that, but love defines him and as 1 Corinthians 13 says, “So now faith, love and hope abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” So, of course God, the perfect embodiment of love, will get it perfectly right!
Despite any sorrow you’re experiencing today over love lost for any reason, this is your accompanying joy! God restores to us or bestows on us that perfect love where we will be eternally satisfied in him, and every relationship in heaven. I can’t wait!
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Jeremiah 31:3
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