I am openly not a fan of Valentine’s Day ever since I lost my husband, the love of my life. We didn’t make a huge deal of it, but there was always a nice meal involved, and often a small gift to each other. Definitely put the kibosh on $100 roses! Surprise me some other day of the year for less than half the money.
So I have counseled other widows and widowers through the years to protect themselves from the onslaught we find around us during this season. I stay off social media because pix of your beautiful flowers or amazing meal with your honey are just too hard. Happy for you; sad for me. I even avoid the card aisle if possible because it’s pretty much all red and pink right now. I admit I might have hit the mute button on a Valentine’s Day TV commercial …
Lest we forget that there are many who find this to be a difficult day/week/month, here are some of the groups who suffer silently with a heart that is missing some love.
- All those who have lost their spouses
- Anyone grieving a divorce
- Singles who longed for, but never found their life mate
- Married couples whose love has all but died out through the years
- Women or men in abusive marriages
- Couples facing health challenges and care-giving burdens
- Anyone simply worn down by the troubles in their lives, with nothing left for romantic love
Not unlike holidays in general, Valentine’s Day can elicit a full spectrum of emotions. And it behooves us to be mindful that it isn’t, literally, all hearts and roses for everyone. Be discerning. Be kind. Be compassionate.
Alternatively, this year I choose to look at it a bit differently. Oh sure, I’ll still put in those protective measures. And I will likely shed a few tears as I remember past Valentine’s Day celebrations.
But I plan to focus on all the other areas of my life where I feel loved, or witness love. It’s appropriate to celebrate romantic love, but I fear the Hallmark industry has hijacked this month and made it only about that.
Honestly, I think this list is good for everyone, regardless of what you may or may not celebrate this week. My goal is to focus on what I have, not what I’ve lost. It’s a good model for every day, but sometimes we need an event like Valentine’s Day to remind us of all we still have.
- The love I have for my pets, and that they have for me, and that they have for each other.
- The love of my amazing friends, near and far – I don’t take you for granted!
- The love of my church family – the body of Christ.
- The love of strangers who have shown me kindness.
- My love for all of you who follow and support me on this grief journey.
- My love for those who are hurting – God blesses me through these interactions.
- The love of music I share with others.
- My love for God and all he continues to bless me with, and teach me through.
- Above all, God’s love for me!
I feel better already, just meditating for a few minutes on what should be on that list. I know I could add more, as I’m sure you can.
Let’s end with a little more focus on the last bullet point – God’s love for us. Most people are familiar with the term “agape love.” The dictionary definition is, “a type of love that is selfless, unconditional, and sacrificial.” It’s best illustrated by the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross on our behalf. It’s the love most “famously” described in 1 Corinthians 13. I’m so very grateful that God’s love for me is this powerful and unconditional.
I don’t think most of us have that one mastered! But what a wonderful love to strive for, and to ask God to help us demonstrate.
During this season of love, may we all appreciate the ways God has brought love into our lives, regardless of the source. The girls just might get some extra treats on Friday.
My command is this:
Love each other as I have loved you.
Greater love has no one than this:
to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
John 15:12-13
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