Every single person I know is struggling to some degree during this pandemic. But, as in all grieving, this spectrum is WIDE! I find myself very much on the end that is mostly inconvenienced by this time of quarantine. My hair is getting too long, I’ve had to do a few other “hair repairs” for the first time, I miss going to church, I miss seeing my friends. A little farther down the spectrum is how my loneliness of being without Dale is magnified because I’m alone virtually ALL THE TIME!
But, in the overall scope of things, as people are beginning to say, “These are first world problems.” I still consider myself blessed with all that I still have and am able to do. I still walk Daisy virtually every day. I just finished all my Spring house cleaning. I’m nearing the end of the rough draft of Book #2. I still talk to multiple friends daily. All very good things to do when I’m sequestered in my home.
But, let’s talk about the other end of the spectrum. I’m not sure I even KNOW what that looks like. What I imagine it consists of is people who have lost loved ones without being able to say good-bye, people who have no jobs or money for food or rent, people who are trying to work and homeschool their children, people who are working in the heart of the crisis and seeing the tragedy all around them, with no relief in sight. Or some combination of all of those. The list is endless.
Even while writing about those situations, I find myself feeling stressed FOR THEM! I can’t imagine actually living that out.
So, the point I’m finally getting to is that everyone is grieving SOMETHING. Whether it’s merely the loss of your normal routine or tragic deaths all around you, it’s still grief.
What do we do with that? I’ll say again, “What If We’re ALL Grieving?” We’re not easily divided into the two groups anymore, are we? The Grieving and the Comforters. So, in the very simplest of terms, we are now BOTH.
Yes, it’s okay to still acknowledge that you’re grieving whatever you’ve lost during this pandemic. Not healthy to camp out there, but also not healthy to pretend that you aren’t affected by it. This is true no matter where you are on this grief spectrum.
The “comforting” piece of this picture is a little trickier. Let’s start at the difficult, far end of the spectrum. For those who are completely overwhelmed by what their life has become, they may have virtually no strength left to comfort anyone else. I felt like that in the early days after Dale died. So consumed was I by my grief, that it was hard to step out of it and be a blessing to anyone else.
If this is you, have grace with yourself. If your tank is empty, your focus rightly should be caring for yourself and refilling that tank. Do the basics necessary to survive! Pray that God would give you HIS strength through these difficult days.
What about the rest of us closer to the other end? Whenever possible, try looking UP that spectrum to see how you can help others struggling with bigger issues. You won’t be able to do this every day, but when you have the strength, find ways to bless others. Send food. Call them. Lend a listening ear. Write them an encouraging note. As I’ve said a zillion times, blessing others always blesses us back.
Yes, acknowledge what is difficult for you – and maybe process that with someone you trust – but also look beyond yourself to see what joy you can bring to someone hurting more deeply.
Over it all, pray that God would protect us and bring this pandemic to an end – and that his will would be done through it!
Snoopy picture disclaimer – I know there is nothing funny about COVID-19, but I also know that it’s important for us to find a little humor where we can. So in that spirit, I share Snoopy and his good grief support group, because it made me smile.
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