What’s the Ocean View Now?

A few short weeks ago, I posted in this very blog what my life looked like in the middle of the ocean.  It wasn’t a pretty sight.  It was a picture of uncertainty in every direction, but still a sense that I would either keep swimming or at least tread water.  I wasn’t turning around.  I had encouraging comments from readers saying, “Keep swimming” or “God didn’t teach you how to swim to let you drown now.”

That can still be an appropriate position to take, especially in ministry where the expectation is that it will NOT always be an easy road, or swim. On more occasions than I can count, I truly “soldiered on” when the going got tough.  I believed then and I believe now that my strength to keep moving forward came from God, and from the absolute certainty that God had called me into all aspects of this ministry.

Just so we’re all on the same page, the difficulties I refer to were related to several projects I’ve been working on, the biggest being the digital course I started creating last September.  I have several other smaller projects that I use primarily as a break from that big project!

So, these difficulties come from a variety of places, but first and foremost, technology. Who said technology makes our life easier?  No one who ever worked on the stuff I’m working on, that’s for sure!  Every time I turned around, regardless of the project, I hit a technology roadblock or dead end.

Add to that the incredible amount of idea creation and content needed for much of what I was working on and the weight of 2–3-hour video training sessions and I felt like I was often underwater. I constantly asked God to give me HIS joy on this journey because I had none of my own. I dreaded almost every task I needed to take on, with the definite exception of this blog post!  (You all are NOT getting a break from me. 😊)

It all came to a head last Tuesday evening.  Every single ministry task I tackled on my “to do” list for the day turned into a disaster, at least in my eyes.  Nothing was working.  I sat on the couch and told God, “I give up.  I can’t do this anymore.”  I felt defeated and then came the tears. And the flood of emotions. 

At the core of my heartache was the fact that I truly believe God has given me this ministry as a way to find some purpose through the loss of my husband, Dale.  But with the attitude I brought to the “job,” I was not honoring this God-given ministry. But to back away from it felt like such a gut punch, and like I had given up on what God wanted for me.  I’m not a quitter, but in those moments, it felt like I had just given up.

That was the visceral reaction to this decision, but as I began to share it with my friends, I heard a collective, “Hallelujah!  It’s about time you took a break!”

While I appreciate their concern for me, what I began to understand in the next couple of days is that GOD wanted me to take a break.  That’s ultimately the voice that matters on this journey.  I probably should have heard it sooner.  I was too busy trying to swim underwater.

So with a few days’ perspective behind me, what do I now believe about this decision that feels so monumental?

• God has designed ALL of us to need rest – physically, mentally, and emotionally.  What made me think it didn’t apply to me in this setting?  Of course, He wants me to rest!  That concept is scattered throughout the Bible, beginning with Genesis and the creation story.

• I am not disappointed in God.  I’m starting to not be disappointed in myself!  I know in the depth of my soul that God has a greater purpose behind this time of rest.  Even more than just the rest itself.  I fully expect God to teach me lessons during this respite that I can apply more personally and powerfully to some aspect of this ministry in the future.

• I’m looking forward to a blue sky, pink flamingo floatie trip in the ocean for a while!  It’s a pretty sweet view.

So, yes, this is just a stepping back, not a stepping down.  It’s a time for rest, rejuvenation, reassessment, redirection, refocus and more “re-“ words that I’m not even aware of yet!  What I am aware of is that I continue to serve a good God who will guide me through this season, and will bring me to the other side with a clearer understanding of where He wants to take me.

I will continue to speak to you here on a weekly basis, I will continue to serve my Christian widow Facebook group, and I will wait patiently on the Lord for everything else.

Please pray that God would fill all the empty slots in my daily planner with times of compliant rest or with other opportunities for service to Him until the day He tells me it’s time to get back to work.  It could be next week; it could be 3 months from now.  I trust Him with the timing.

So, here’s a bottom-line lesson for me and all of you – swimming or treading water in the middle of the ocean may be where God has you.  If so, keep going!  But maybe He wants you, too, to take a break in whatever craziness has descended upon your life, and to climb up onto that floatie.  He will work powerfully regardless of your swimming or floating status.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28