Unless you’re living under a rock, or have purposely avoided all social media, ads from anywhere, or retail stores, you’re likely aware of the fact that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. In our culture today, it’s associated with candy, flowers, dinners, jewelry and, of course, love – primarily the romantic version.
Out of curiosity, I did a Google search on the history of this holiday and, oh my, there’s virtually no romance in that! In fact, there’s some mystery shrouding the exact story, with up to three different St. Valentines, and there are some executions involved in most of the versions I read. So, let’s leave that in the history books.
As I’ve often suspected, the “Hallmark” industry very much wants to capitalize on all the money to be made from cards and the aforementioned list in paragraph one.
When Dale and I were married, we definitely celebrated the holiday. Usually that involved a nice dinner out, sometimes flowers, usually candy, and sometimes gifts. So this is not me being a scrooge about Valentine’s Day. I wish all of you who do have a valentine, a special day.
As the title suggests, this blog is looking more specifically at those who do not have that special someone. I do, however, hope this post can speak to anyone.
First to those of you who feel very alone on this day. You may have lost your loved one through death or divorce. Maybe you are in a loveless marriage or relationship, and find nothing to celebrate on February 14th. You may have lived a single life and, even if you once had a special someone, you don’t this year.
This is my seventh Valentine’s Day without Dale and I’ve found a few things are helpful to get me through it. Some of these may be helpful to you as well, or you may have your own ways of coping with this day.
- I avoid social media as much as possible in the days leading up to the fourteenth. I am truly happy for those of you who can celebrate the day with the one(s) you love. But I know I can’t scroll through pages of pictures of your flowers and candy and fancy dinners. Just too hard, even all these years later. No apologies and no ill wishes to those of you who are celebrating.
- Depending on where you are in your “singleness,” you might find it helpful to think back on happy times when you did have someone to celebrate with, and perhaps those memories give you a small bit of comfort, remembering how you once felt that love. But, beware! If you are deeply grieving the loss of that special person, or if a relationship ended badly, you likely don’t want to relive that heartache. And for those who are long-term singles, any past relationships may not have even brought happy memories.
- Try to find joy in the day in other ways. This will look different for everyone. Maybe you treat yourself to a spa day. Some people buy their own flowers and candy! Others (usually me) go about the day as if it wasn’t even Valentine’s Day. This year I’m speaking at a “Galentine’s Day” event at a retirement center in my hometown. Most of these “gals” are widows. But you can bet I have some plans to help them identify where they can still find joy despite their heartache and loneliness.
- If you struggle to believe that you are well-loved, the most conclusive evidence that your belief is a bit “off” is found in the Bible. I recognize that the love of God may not feel as practical or physical as that of another human being. But I think that’s because our extremely limited thinking can’t possibly comprehend the all-encompassing, never-ending, unconditional love of God. Here’s a list of scriptures that address this subject. I’m sure you can find a few verses that speak to your heart.
And now to those of you who are blessed with someone who loves you and can rightfully celebrate tomorrow with you, I have just a few suggestions as well.
- Unless you’re sure your friend can handle it, I would refrain from regaling them with the amazing ways you celebrated the day.
- If a friend is recently without a partner, consider a kind note/email/phone call, letting them know you are thinking about them and praying for them on this difficult day. I have been the recipient of that by some kind friends, and the impact is incredible.
- Be willing to listen if your friend needs to process her loss of valentine – whether recent or long ago. Often that pain doesn’t go away.
May we all find ways to celebrate love regardless of our “status.” And know that I’ll be praying tomorrow that God is near to your heart.
I have loved you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3
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