Who “Owns” Our Relationships?

It’s a bit of a strange question, isn’t it? A few days ago, the devotion from Paul David Tripp’s “New Morning Mercies” caught my attention.  Mind you, this is my second time through it, and I’m pretty sure this wasn’t in there the first time!

This is the statement that made me pause: “We cannot allow ourselves to have an owner’s view of our relationships, as if they exist for the sole purpose of our happiness.”  Hmmm.  It’s pretty much what I want, though!

As I thought about this, I recalled hearing parents often say, “God loves my children more than I do” whenever they were faced with some challenges with their kids.  Or had to watch them leave the nest. Or deal with their own life trials.

So certainly that’s one way to acknowledge that the relationship isn’t always about what good stuff it can bring to us. 

I’ve also heard it said that the main goal of marriage isn’t to make us happy, but to make us holy.  While I understand the sentiment behind it, and don’t disagree in principle, I still didn’t like it much!  I wanted my marriage to be happy, and thanks primarily to God and my husband, it was!

And now with no kids, no parents, and no husband, I dug a little deeper to see what else I could learn about relationships in my life.  That caused me to examine the friendships in my life. 

I’m blessed beyond what I deserve with some amazing friends, truly gifts from God.  I have friends that pray for and with me, friends who call to check up on me, friends who listen when I need a kind, non-judgmental ear, friends who invite me into their own families.  I could go on and on.  I’m eternally grateful for all that they bring into my life.

Then I came upon another statement from Mr. Tripp.  “We were not designed to live the Christian life on our own.  The reason God calls us to this high quality of relationships is because relationships are an irreplaceable tool in his redemptive hands.”

Of course that paragraph of the wonderful things that friends bring into our lives is valid.  But what about the ways that our friends, or any relationship, challenge us on our Christian walk?

Perhaps it’s done by challenging us when our thinking or our actions or our beliefs aren’t lining up with what scripture calls us to.  That’s the whole “iron sharpening iron” concept that can help us develop a deeper, more Christ-life walk.

But what about the relationships that have a lot of sharp edges?  What about broken relationships with parents or children or siblings or church members or friends?  What about the times we feel we’ve been treated unfairly?

How do we respond when a relationship gets ugly, and our instinct is to fight back, or disappear?  Do we ever really think this? – “God must be using this situation to help me utilize the gifts of the Spirit and teach me how to be more like Jesus in my response.”  No?  Yeah, me neither.

But the reality is that God does, indeed, use these circumstances to grow us in our faith, to call us into obedience, and to sanctify our hearts.  Because, yes, God is the one who “owns” our relationships.

So I found myself thanking God for whatever relationship circumstances he brings my way, albeit a bit reluctantly!

Then I had to ask myself what kind of friend am I?  Of course, I want to be that encouraging, thoughtful friend in the “happy” paragraph.  But am I also willing to be used of God to challenge a friend when the situation calls for it? That’s a more reluctant, “yes.”

But I believe this devotion helps me put any relationship in the proper perspective, whether it’s someone’s response to my circumstances, or mine to theirs.  Ultimately, God owns that, and he can use it for redemptive purposes on BOTH ends.

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely,

and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless

at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Thessalonians 5:23