A Portrait of Providence

Don’t you love hearing stories about how God orchestrates events to produce an outcome that could only be from his hand?  You know what’s even better?  Being part of a story just like that!

That’s exactly what happened this past Friday and I’m still smiling.

But let me take you back a couple of years so I can paint the full picture. 

Some of you know that I have a Christian widow Facebook group entitled “Christian Widow Grief Academy.”  It’s not a large group and it consists primarily of widows I know personally or friends of the widows I know.  However, there are several who are part of this group that found it “randomly.” 

Such was the case with Melissa who joined our group in June 2021. Whenever anyone joins this group, I invite them to share a little bit of their story – whatever they’re comfortable with.  Melissa shared how she had just lost Paul, her pastor-husband of nearly 20 years to a fatal heart attack.  He was only 40 years old, and she was left as a single mom to four boys, ages 6 – 14.

As if that weren’t enough of a gut punch, her family had just recently moved from their home state of Illinois, away from their families and friends,  out to Oregon where Paul was called to pastor a church. Melissa’s  life involved homeschooling her four boys and partnering with her husband in his ministry.

That all came to a screeching halt on May 28, 2021.

When I read her story in the Facebook group, I immediately felt God encouraging me to reach out to her directly, which I did through Facebook Messenger.

After expressing my deep sympathy over this incredible loss, I asked if she wanted to talk about it.  She did, but she was still working through some memorial details at the time, so we connected a few weeks later.

That led to the development of a long-distance friendship as Melissa and I communicated via text and phone calls over the months ahead.

I could never do justice to the depth of her loss and how it completely turned her life upside down.  For example, she now had to put the boys in school and get a job to support her family, on top of grieving her husband of 19 years and the zillions of ways she missed him.  My heart ached for her.

We continued to talk about virtually any topic related to grieving and how to navigate all the pitfalls that surround widowhood.  She eventually made the decision to move back to her home state where she could be closer to family and friends.

Even prior to that move, we felt that someday God would give us an opportunity to meet face to face.  A few weeks ago when we were catching up, that’s exactly what God did. We decided to meet halfway between her home and mine which took us to “The World’s Largest Truck Stop” in eastern Iowa on Interstate 80.  (We chose Gramma’s Kitchen over the truckers’ restaurant!)

What an incredible blessing to meet this lovely, godly, courageous young woman and spend nearly 2 ½ hours getting to know each other even better.  When I asked what originally led her to my widow’s Facebook group, her short answer was “God.”  And I’m so glad he did!

As I thought about our lives, I couldn’t help but think about all that was different between our journeys and, more importantly, all that we shared in common.  So, I’d like to share that with you to help complete this picture.

Here’s where our journeys differed:

• Melissa lost Paul with virtually no warning while I knew for years that widowhood was likely part of my life’s picture.
• Melissa had the responsibility of raising her boys alone, while I primarily had to take care of myself (and a few pets.)
• Melissa had to navigate the world of employment almost immediately, while I had already retired and was just doing some contractual parttime work.
• Melissa is young.  I am not!

While these are pretty major differences in our lives, what warms my heart and points to an ongoing friendship is what we have in common.

• We were both blessed with incredible husbands who loved us unconditionally.
• We both deeply love our husbands, still, which leads to deep grief.
• We both know that God is sovereign over every aspect of our lives, even on the days when that doesn’t feel fair or loving or … enough.
• We have both seen God work intimately in our lives, revealing his character and promises to us in ways we hadn’t seen before our husbands died.
• We have both struggled with the times God has been silent when we desperately needed clear direction from him.  And yet, we both trusted that he would eventually reveal to us what we needed to know.
• We have both acknowledged that our feelings and God’s message in the Bible are often in conflict, but we know where the ultimate truth lies.
• We both look forward to the day when we will be reunited with our husbands.  And we also love the idea of Dale and Paul hanging out together until we get there!

The commonalities in our lives far surpass those areas where we differ.  And one more important item we have in common – we both definitely want to meet again, and soon!

I’m so grateful God’s providence brought Melissa into my life – and it reminds me that this grief ministry he’s given me manifests itself in countless ways that bless me more than I can say.  Melissa, here’s to a life-long friendship!

The heart of man plans his way,

    but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9