Collateral Damage

This week’s post will be a bit different from the normal posts on several levels.  First of all, it’s a post that I’ve been working on for the past few weeks.  Each time I thought I would post it, God gave me a different, better idea for the week.

So it’s been brewing for a while which is seldom the case with my posts.  Generally God gives me a pretty clear idea of the topic and it’s completed in one sitting.  That’s far from true on this post. 

Secondly, the issue I want to address is deeper than I normally go on this blog.  In fact, as I begin to write this, I’m still not sure I even understand it all myself!  But there has to be a reason that God has kept this topic on a burner at all, and why he’s now moved it to the front of the stove.

My prayer is that he will help me explain and illustrate this new concept well enough that you don’t just leave here scratching your head, and wondering what exactly has happened to Lynne!  So, let’s give it a go.

The topic is one that all of us can relate to.  It deals with, simply put, getting hurt emotionally and perhaps spiritually.  Who among us hasn’t been hurt by someone close to us? Of course, we all have!  It’s part of the fallout from this fallen world.  And news flash, we’ve hurt plenty of others as well.

Recently, I’ve begun to view these hurts in a different light.  One that I hope makes me, and perhaps you, less susceptible to those hurts.

But first, a reminder of how God works in our lives, because it’s critical to this discussion.  What better way to illustrate this than to give you some scripture texts that speak directly to this issue.

• For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

• Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. Proverbs 12:1

• My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:11-12

• Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. Revelation 3:19

These verses make is crystal clear that God WILL discipline us, but it will be done out of abundant love, and with the goal of making us more Christ-like.

So now that we’ve established this absolute eventuality, we can take it apart a bit and see why this blog post is about collateral effects – of God’s discipline and his ultimate sanctification for believers.

I have two questions for you, asked from opposite sides of this issue.

• Have you ever considered that, while God is disciplining a family member or friend, you will be hit with some arrows from this battle?

• Have you ever considered that, while God is disciplining YOU, your friends and family members are being hit by some of your arrows?

Mind you, these aren’t Satan’s arrows; these are arrows bouncing around our own battle with God, as he seeks to refine us – and they’re going to hit our friends and family.

Can you start to wrap your head around that concept?  As God is working for our good, we are quite likely fighting back and resisting his discipline.  And because of our disobedience and resistance, those in our circle of influence are unintended victims – collateral damage, if you will.

When we become the victims, when we are hurt by others, what should our response be as Christians?  As a dear friend said to me recently, “You hit the dirt and put up your shield!”  I love that!  Instead of being offended, or fighting back, or walking away, perhaps we can view this differently.

What if, every time we were hurt by another, we assumed that God was doing something in their lives?  Could we be more patient, more tolerant, less of a victim, if we viewed it as part of God’s plan for their Christian walk?  Or even the way God might be bringing an unbeliever to faith in him and changing their heart?

On the flip side, if we realize that our private battle with God likely sent a few arrows into our friends’ lives, are we able to apologize to them and ask for their forgiveness?

Up till now, this collateral effect has felt much like damage.  But let’s take it a step further and see what happens when we, or our friend, submit to God’s hand as we learn God’s intended lesson.  We actually become more Christ-like in whatever area he’s been “pruning.”

How might that action affect those around us?  Might we actually benefit from the battle that God just won in their hearts?  Might we see God’s intricate workings in both our lives?

I can tell you from experience that it’s an incredible revelation when God puts all those pieces together and we see what he had in mind all along.  My previously mentioned wise friend calls this, “collateral assurance.”  It’s not just damage now.  It’s confirmation that God knows what he’s doing as he works in our lives, and the lives of those we love, often at the same time.  To a great degree, this is what it means to live in community with our Christian brothers and sisters.

I’m just beginning to wrap my head around this idea, so I’m in the boat with you!  But I believe God wants to open my eyes to this concept so that I will take hurts less personally, and so I can be more compassionate about how my discipline may be sending arrows into my friends’ worlds. And ultimately, how I can look with anticipation at what God is accomplishing.

He who withholds kindness from a friend

forsakes the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14