Do Apologies Have Expiration Dates?

I’ve met people on my journey this past year who have asked me if it’s ever too late to send a sympathy card, or contact a grieving friend, or step back into someone’s life.

The answer for me has always been a simple, “No.”  I don’t think it’s ever too late to apologize and reconnect with someone who is hurting.  Whether that is through the sympathy card several months later, or something much deeper and longer lasting, I believe reconciliation is healing AND biblical.

There are tons of scripture texts regarding reconciliation.  If you don’t believe that, just Google it like I did!   And many of these texts point to how God reconciled sinners to Himself through the blood of Christ.   Here is an example of that great truth:

That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.  2 Corinthians 5:19.

Since the Bible is, in part, our “instruction manual” here on earth, it’s wise for us to heed this example.  God doesn’t want us living in discord, or out of fellowship. 

And of course, whether you send that card, or call that friend doesn’t rise to the level of reconciliation through Christ (!), but I believe God is pleased when we take those steps.

So, if a few months have passed since your friend’s loss, you could write something like this in that sympathy card: 

“I’m so sorry that I haven’t sent this sooner.  [Period.  No excuses.]  I haven’t been the friend you needed, and, for that, I want to apologize.  I’m praying for you …[however you deem appropriate].” 

AND, if you really do want to reconnect, mention that you will call/send a message soon to get together.  Don’t say, “If you want to get together sometime, let me know.”  Grieving people often don’t have the strength for that.

I don’t want to lose the people in my life that I care about – and, in addition to the Biblical exhortation, that’s my practical reason for accepting any apology and welcoming that person back into my world, no matter how much time has passed.

One other word about apologies – what do you do if you’ve just stuck your foot in your mouth??  For example, maybe you’ve just said to the newly grieving widow, “I know exactly how you feel.  I felt like that when my goldfish died.”  (I know, a bit of an exaggerated situation, but appropriate for illustration purposes!)

You know immediately that you’ve messed up big time!  If you don’t address this right then and there, you’ll go home and stew about it for days.  And you might even step OUT of that grieving friend’s life because of it.

So, a simple solution.  Apologize right there on the spot!  That’s right – say, “I have no idea why I just said that, and I’m so sorry I did.  Of course, my loss was NOTHING like yours, and I apologize for trying to make that absurd comparison.”  Then, go forward by focusing on their pain.

So, no, I don’t believe apologies have expiration dates.  And MY part in all of this is to have a forgiving heart and an abundance of grace.

  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32