Five-Year Anniversary Reflections and Lessons

October 16^th

I’ve known for five years that this day was coming.  This isn’t a surprise.  It’s the five-year anniversary of Dale’s death.  What is it about years that end in zero and five?  We make a bigger deal out of them when they are birthdays and wedding anniversaries.  Should that be the case with a death anniversary?  Doesn’t seem to hold quite the same appeal, does it?  And yet, I feel the significance and the extra weight of this year above the previous four.

I’ve also known for a while that I would make this post more personal than some of the others.  But because one of the main purposes of this ministry is education, I want to take these personal reflections and share with you either the lessons I’ve learned, or lessons I feel are important for you to learn.

Perhaps those of you grieving a loss will find some validation and some “company” here.  Those who have not yet experienced a deep loss may look into this world and garner a new perspective.

Deep breath.  Deep prayer.  Here we go.

• Five years have not erased the pain of losing Dale.  Contrary to popular belief, time does NOT heal all wounds. Yes, it has morphed a great deal during that time.  Some parts are a little easier, some are much harder.  The finality of this loss, and the loneliness associated with it are deeper, and have left ragged ruts in my soul.  Don’t place time restrictions on the griever.  God will bring healing in his time.  Or you may have a loss that you will grieve until the day you die.  Some losses are forever.  This is mine.
• The friendship landscape changes significantly – both positively and negatively.  Yes, I have lost friends during this process.  I’ve also been blessed by those who chose to hang in there with me, despite having no idea how to help me.  And my widowhood, and this ministry, have provided a blessing-filled source of new friends. I encourage you to be that “hang in there” friend. Wherever you fall on that continuum, know that I am grateful for you and your friendship, even if it’s a thing of the past.
• On a related note, I have learned that one doesn’t have to experience the same loss to be able to impart compassion and understanding to the grieving person.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us that, if we have ever experienced God’s comfort during an affliction, then we are duly equipped to help someone else, regardless of what they’re suffering through. Trust God to give you the ability and insight necessary to comfort them as he would.  And one final word on that – trust what the griever tells you about their journey and leave the judgment behind.
• If there is a “steady heartbeat” to this ministry and to the lessons learned, it’s this:  God does his best and most permanent work in our lives through our trials. I’ve even gone so far as to say it’s the only way God grows our faith deeply. How is God’s “work” manifested during this season of my life?  Through an infinitely closer walk with him. By hearing his voice more clearly than ever before. With deeper insights into his character and his promises and his everlasting love for me.  Those divine revelations add balance to my life when I feel I have lost so much.  How are you viewing a current trial in your own life?
• Doing the hard, heart wrenching work of grieving is absolutely essential if one hopes to see God’s hand in their lives. It’s another pillar of the ministry – joy and sorrow co-exist.  Both must be experienced in their fullness.  The trials and losses we suffer through in this life are ultimately the result of sin in this fallen world.  Don’t minimize that in your life or in the lives of those you love.  It’s a hard, dark reality in which we live.  Grieve it for what that represents.  And then … rejoice that God sets everything right in the end.  Not only that, but he has walked every step of this road with me.  I can picture his gentle hand of compassion on me during the times when I couldn’t stop crying.  And I imagine his smile as his drops a surprising blessing into my day.  He is my constant and faithful companion.  And he wants to be yours.
• My perspective is eternal.  Of course, I long for the day when I will see Dale again.  I long for the day when tears and sorrow and heartaches and death are forever erased. Spending eternity in the presence of Almighty God, gazing upon the kindness of Jesus who made this eternity for me possible is a hope unlike anything I could duplicate here on earth.  While I live with that blessed hope, I also still live in this world, and I pray God continues to use me for his Kingdom work.  Whether you are 19 or 90, an eternal perspective is essential.  Ultimately, in the end, this life is just a whisper of time. Do you know what awaits you when yours is over?  “Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

I could probably continue writing for a few thousand additional words, but it’s time to wrap up this “anniversary edition” of our weekly meeting. 

My prayer is that you have a clearer picture of how amazing my God is, because you have seen him work in my life through this heartache.  I pray that you have or will put your trust in him as you walk whatever days are yet ordained for you on this earth.

Yes, there is a huge hole in my soul since God called Dale home. But I am not without hope.  Jesus has paid the price so that I can have that hope.  May God help us all persevere and, in the process, give him all the glory.  Amen.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think,

according to the power at work within us,

to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations,

forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21