If you’ve been following along on either this ministry blog or my personal blog, or heard me speak, chances are pretty good that you’ve heard me mention “forever grief” a time or two. But to make sure we’re all on the same page, I do believe that some events or losses in our lives are so powerful that they do, in fact, burden us with a grief that never completely heals. We are forever changed, regardless of what the world wants to tell us.
I grieved the loss of both parents, and even though I do still miss them decades after their deaths, I don’t actively grieve their losses each and every day. Now, my memories of all they meant to me throughout my life almost always bring me joy and smiles.
Not so with the death of my husband. Most widows I talk with tell me the same thing. Parents who have lost children will absolutely agree with this. It never gets better. But this isn’t a post about that phenomenon. For now, just acknowledge with me that some losses in our lives change us forever.
Whether or not you’ve suffered through the devastation of losing a spouse or a child, my guess is that you’ve still walked through some trials that fundamentally altered who you are. It could be the death of anyone close to you. Maybe you’ve struggled through addictions. Maybe there are strained or completely broken relationships in your life. Maybe a chronic illness of your own or a loved one devastates you. Maybe it’s job related. Maybe it’s unfulfilled hopes and dreams.
Can you recall some experience or trial in your life where you came out on the other side a changed person? Or, THROUGH the trial, you became a different person?
I must acknowledge that sometimes we may not like what this trial has done to us. Maybe we developed a higher level of doubt or anger or fear or cynicism or even hatred. We may feel absolutely devastated by this event that forever changed us.
But here’s the real question. Is that how God wants us to emerge from our difficulties? I want to respond with a resounding, “NO!” Granted, it’s not an easy task when the pain is deep and long-lasting, but let’s look at the good that can and does come through our heartache.
- We develop a heart of compassion for others who are suffering…any loss.
- We learn to turn to God in prayer – or tears – for His help through the trial.
- Our faith deepens as a result of relying so fully on Him.
- Our depth of character increases exponentially.
- We develop an eternal perspective on life’s difficulties.
- We CAN experience and exhibit joy through this trial.
- Our witness for the Gospel is more powerful.
- God receives the glory for bringing us through the trial, and changing us into a person after His own heart.
Trust me, those changes aren’t necessarily automatic. I’ve had to plead with God to create them in me. I ask Him often to use my pain for His Kingdom. I specifically ask Him to show me what He’s teaching me through THIS particular heartache. I pray that He opens my eyes to the good He is doing in my life, so that I can praise Him for it – AND so I can share it with others.
It’s work! We don’t inevitably emerge as this beautifully changed butterfly. There is struggle in the journey, but it is SO worth it! On that final day, I want to hear Him say to me, “Well, done, good and faithful servant.” I LONG to be forever changed by God’s hand, because I know it is a hand that ultimately only wants good for me. I pray that for you as well.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4 ESV
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