One of my unspoken goals with these posts is to provide a brand-new perspective to you on a common situation. Something I can share because of what I’ve experienced after the death of my husband. And usually, that perspective comes because I’ve found myself on both sides of that situation.
Case in point – over the past 21 months, friends have occasionally told me that they ran into So-And-So who asked how I was getting along. And then they would say things like, “I told him/her that you’re doing pretty well.” Hmmm…I often found myself thinking, “That’s not exactly how I would describe how I’m doing. Every day is still so hard. Every day I cry. I’m still trying to figure out how to live this life.” Or some variation on that…
Very good intentions on both parts, but what might be missing with an exchange such as this? Here are a few ways this is less than ideal:
- An inaccurate or incomplete status report might be given out.
- The friend misses an opportunity to bless the grieving friend.
- The griever misses the opportunity to BE blessed.
Certainly there are times when asking about someone’s well-being makes sense. I did it just this past Sunday (even knowing about this blog post topic). I asked someone at church how a mutual friend was doing after the loss of their spouse a while back. We weren’t close friends and I didn’t know the spouse who died well. It was more a matter of knowing how I could pray more effectively.
So, I’m not saying you never ask a mutual friend how someone is doing. But I would like to suggest that there are times the personal contact would be so welcome. Because when I was told that So-And-So asked about my well-being, I usually thought how nice it would be to talk to So-And-So directly.
Some simple advice to you if you’re wondering how a friend going through a loss is doing: Call them. Text them. Send them an email. It is never too late to make that contact. I know that as I approach the 2-year anniversary of Dale’s death, those kinds of contacts become pretty rare. But I can also tell you that I never tire of someone reaching out to me, to see how I’m doing…really.
What if you’re the friend who is approached by So-And-So? What do you tell them about your mutual friend’s well-being? Do you feel like you have a clear picture of that? Have YOU talked to them recently enough to feel confident in your answer?
If you don’t know the answer, don’t make one up. Suggest that maybe you BOTH could check up on that friend! Maybe invite them to dinner. If you have stayed in touch, certainly feel free to update So-And-So. But even better, suggest that they reach out and check on the friend personally. “I’m sure they’d love to hear from you.”
Spread some love and compassion. Your call might be a blessing in the middle of a very dark, lonely time. Those times last well after the loss has rocked their world.
Who do you know that would love to hear from you today?
Do not forsake your friend…
Proverbs 27:10a
Hugs my friend!!! 💕
Great insight and wisdom Lynne!