I’d like to share an important concept with you today. Maybe it will encourage you, maybe it won’t. Here’s the newsflash – there are no right words to fix someone else’s heartache.
Are you disappointed? Are you relieved? Were you hoping that each blog post would provide you with the perfect words to use in every difficult circumstance? While I do plan a future blog post that will highlight some things that are more helpful to say than others, this is very much about why you don’t have to have the “right” words.
So, rather than ending the post right here with that declaration, I offer up to you something even better. We aren’t looking to you for the right words. We really don’t care if you have many words at all. What I wanted and needed more than anything was a LISTENING EAR. And, to narrow it down even further, I had something very specific I wanted you to listen to.
Let me illustrate by sharing a conversation I had with a friend shortly have my husband’s funeral. This friend had never met Dale and only knew me during the season of our lives when he struggled with dementia – and I struggled with caring for him through that.
Her statement has become a rallying point, of sorts, and I believe provides one of the best examples I’ve seen this past year of how to be a blessing to a grieving friend.
She said, “Lynne, I just want to find a time to come over and let you tell me about this wonderful man.” That. Is. It! No need to struggle with the perfect words or all the anxiety that comes with NOT finding them. Just let me talk about my loved one.
Is that surprising to you? Do you often think that you shouldn’t bring up the departed loved one because you don’t want to make it harder for them? You don’t want to “remind them” of their loss? Trust me, we have not forgotten. You don’t want to make them cry? See last week’s post!
The joy that this conversation brought to my heart and soul can not be measured or overstated. Yes, maybe I cried a little bit as I shared my memories, but this was OVERWHELMINGLY a healing conversation for me.
Here is all that was accomplished.
It:
- Brought joy to my heart
- Kept Dale alive in my memory
- Reminded me of how grateful I was to share my life with Dale
- Deepened the friendship with this friend
- Taught ME that talking about Dale was healing
- Helped me understand that this is what I can offer to others who are hurting
So, if you can take the simple step of saying to your grieving friend, “Tell me about …”, you may be the bright light that they need in their darkness. Sometimes it really can be that simple.
A friend loves at all times… (Proverbs 17:17a)
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