I think it’s human nature to trust our own experience more than what someone tells us. Take a painful trip with me back to our teenage years. Do you remember all the sage advice we received from parents and other seasoned adults? How much of it did you heed? I cringe when I think of all that I ignored – and paid the price for! To a certain degree, it seems to be a rite of passage into adulthood.
But we don’t necessarily leave that mentality behind once we become adults. We still tend to impose our own expectations on someone else’s experiences, or discount their experiences. This is especially true if what they tell us about their experience isn’t pleasant. It falls under the category I have labeled “Quick Fix-It” mentality.
We don’t want people to go through difficult times. We want them to be happy. We’re uncomfortable around their pain. We hate hearing about the struggles. Let’s face it, being around someone who is grieving or experiencing a tough season is…difficult!
I found myself falling into this trap soon after Dale passed away. I didn’t want to believe what other widows shared about the difficulties they experienced on their journey. I didn’t want to know about how long this would last, or how much worse it would get, or how my whole world would change because of this. I didn’t look forward to a lifetime of hurt. So, I naively told myself it would be different for me. With God’s help, I would rise above all that pain and heartache.
Reality check. They were right! Now that I have 19 months of this journey in my rear-view mirror, I know they were just trying to prepare me with a little dose of reality. I trusted my expectations over their experience.
And now I’ve seen this from a whole new perspective. When I share the difficulty of my journey, or what I believe lies ahead for me, I’m sometimes met with statements such as, “Oh, I’m sure it won’t be that bad” or “It can’t be like that for everyone.” To which I want to yell, “How in the world would you know?”
Which is why I have landed on this statement, “Trust what the person on the journey tells you about it, even if you don’t understand it or agree with it.”
This is good advice for all of us, myself included. I still catch myself making assumptions about what emotions someone must be experiencing on their journey – one that I may know little about. The last thing they need is to see me questioning their reality!
What we’re really looking for is…validation. Yep, just put the old opinions to the side and acknowledge that THIS is how we feel and THIS is what our journey looks like. Learn from what we tell you. Store it away in that compassion arsenal so you can draw on it the next time someone with a similar journey crosses your path.
Don’t judge. Don’t correct. Don’t minimize. Just accept as truth and listen with a compassionate heart. We couldn’t be more grateful.
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them,
Matthew 7:12
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