As you may recall, my latest project is organizing estate planning and execution documents. That led to a massive review and subsequent purging of documents, folders, photos, etc. on my laptop and Apple devices. Whew! Major work, but major adrenaline hit afterwards!
I have a mammoth folder entitled “Be a Blessing (BAB)” and it contains virtually everything I’ve ever done in this ministry for almost nine years. But I keep all these blog posts in their own separate folder entitled Ministry Blog.
So, I was surprised to find a similarly-titled folder under “BAB” called Blog Posts. What I discovered were the very early blog posts I wrote under the title “It’s Beyond Me.” They were written simply to help me process this great loss of Dale’s death.
At the very bottom of this folder was a file entitled Journaling. Hmmm…wonder what that is? It was created in February 2018, a mere 3½ months after Dale’s death.
When I opened it, I found a 21-page journal I had started in the early days of fog and the shock of widowhood. After reading through it, I did vaguely recall writing it.
I want to share with you a few of the beginning paragraphs of this document, initially intended for my benefit only. And then we’ll chat afterwards.
After feeling many nudges from God, and from friends, I am finally sitting down to start the journaling process. I’m not sure why I’ve resisted this for so long. I enjoy writing and I’ve often felt that God speaks to me more clearly when I’m writing. Yet, I’ve put it off for months/years now and hope that whatever issues I need to put to ink will come back to my memory, even if I think they’re long ago forgotten.
I think I was also fearful of the tears this process would generate – and it’s not an unfounded fear because even as I type this particular paragraph, I’m tearing up at the thought of digging into all that’s transpired in the past months!
Since I’ve been ignoring these nudges for so long, it makes it extra difficult to know just where to start. So, I must ask myself, “Just what is the purpose of this journaling?” Ultimately, I want to reach a point where my writing is current, reflective on what I’ve experienced that day, what wisdom God has imparted to me. Because I feel like there are new insights almost daily as I go through this valley of the shadow of death.
I’m sure the purpose of journaling is multi-faceted. Part of it, maybe most of it, is so that I can process all that’s happened over the past few years – knowing that God will be working through this writing adventure with me. I also can’t help but wonder what other purpose God might have for this. Will He have me share it with others at some point, in the hope that it would help them? If so, in what format? Select Facebook posts? A blog? Sharing with select friends? A best-selling novel? Haha, I digress…
I was absolutely blown away by the prophetic nature of these few paragraphs. I haven’t been a journal-er since I had a diary in sixth grade. So, I’m not surprised at my reticence at starting this process back then.
But when you have a life-shattering event like the death of a husband, you can be prompted to take on tasks you might not otherwise have attempted. I believe that was the case with this early journaling.
Having now walked this nine-year path from journaling to “It’s Beyond Me” blog to a full-blown ministry with a new title, a website and a board of directors, what stands out as I look back?
As amazed and awed as I continue to be by how clearly God has led me in so many diverse directions, and how faithful he has been to walk right beside me, that’s not what jumped out to me the most.
It was the fact that I had mused about where that simple journal might lead. Purely speculative. Even tongue-in-cheek with my “Haha, I digress…” comment!
And yet, God has now allowed me to share over 400 blog posts with you, my faithful readers, many of you from the very beginning. He has also called me to write, and given me the words for, four Amazon best-selling books.
I am continually blessed by how God has chosen to use this most painful chapter of my life to help others in countless ways. He has truly “created good works for me to walk in.” Some days my gratitude to God for that privilege is simply overwhelming and brings me to tears.
So, the reality that he had already planted some of those ideas so long ago, just adds another layer of amazement for the God who has been my constant companion every step of the way.
Has it been easy? Hardly. The ministry has been a path of great joy and great heartache – not unlike the journey of widowhood itself.
Finding this little gem tucked so far inside this “random” folder is simply one more affirmation. One more reason to praise God and marvel at his goodness to me.
Whether you have been with me for decades, dating back to my years with Dale, or just joined recently, I hope you can grasp even a portion of the wonderment I feel having discovered this prophetic journal.
Can’t wait to see what’s around the next corner.
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands.
Psalm 138:8
This is truly amazing, and so awesome to see how God has worked. Thank you for all that you do. It was a blessing for me to read this.